under_vt_stars

04:45 pm: SLOW day at work, but found this extremely amusing

http://itaysworld.com/blog/2008/07/04/funny-signs-graffiti-hand-written/

08:52 pm: I have never been treated with such love and respect. It is taking some getting used to, and convincing myself that i am worth this. This guy is incredible!! AND my family completely love him. this is starting to look like the life ive dreamed of. its scarey but amazing.

10:51 am: The crummy part of this weekend: I am on my last pair of contacts (ordered more, but don't get paid until Friday) and the left one gave in and tore. I've been wearing these for at least 4 weeks now. My glasses are broken, and so I have nothing with me that I can see through. When I get home I can do a fancy tape job on my broken glasses to get me thru Sunday (provided I don't go anywhere where that might matter, since it will look pretty damn tacky), and Monday morning I can pick up my new contacts (with money from mom).

Friday, when I've been paid, I will be ordering glasses from here: www.zennioptical.com because even if they don't look great, $8 glasses are a great way to be sure you don't get stuck!

Ugh

02:07 pm: Unreal.
Really, that's the only word for it right now. I wished this would come, I hoped this would come, but I don't know that i ever really let myself believe it. With all that I poured my heart and soul into this campaign, a piece of me was still prepared to hear that it was all for nothing. It's too good to be true. But it is true!

Last night, as we watched the numbers come in, it was looking so positive, but a piece of me was sure that the McCain states would begin to pour in. As we taped each state (cut out in sizes proportionate to their number of votes) to the door on either the "McCain" or "Obama" side, I couldn't imagine the outcome in either direction- one too horrid to imagine, one too perfect to be real. At 10 we flipped over to the Stewart/Colbert special, which provided some comic relief, a bit of a distraction from the intensity of what was taking place. When they announced that Obama was the winner, we were mostly confused (is this some sort of joke?) and immediately flipped back to CNN. And saw. And SCREAMED!! And then sat back down totally silent. Stunned. I couldn't even react. My mind was racing with "OMGHOLYSHITOMGWEFUCKINGDIDIT!!!!" but i could find no words or actions to articulate the sheer joy. I also noticed I could breathe. Like I haven't in years- at least 8, or since I've been conscious of politics at all.

I thought McCain's speech was fine, though it showed poorly on his supporters to be booing. This has been the year of sore losers. (Sorry, Hillary, but it's true. Were you to be a social worker/community organizer along side me I would love to work with you. But when it comes to losing, you're less than graceful).

Obama's speech... I felt full of so many emotions- joy, hope, love, peace, relief, excitement, curiosity, acceptance... and yet i couldn't react. I was totally shocked and stunned. It was like it was a movie, or I was floating over someone else's life. Surely this amazing of a day could not have just happened in MY lifetime! I just watched, and listened, and sat quietly in awe.

This morning when I woke up they had reruns of the speeches on TV. Every time I saw a clip of Obama's speech, I was in tears. Here is the reaction I wanted! I was just too stunned for it last night. Or perhaps just terrified that it wouldn't be real (that they would recount something, or that something terrible would happen to Obama).

There are now, of course, the obligatory conversations about how race affected this vote. It's close to my heart. I am extremely proud that we have elected an African-American president. I am also extremely proud that we have elected Barack Obama. I just don't see the two as interdependent. I didn't support him just because he's black, and I don't think many other voters did either. I wish there was more discussion on that. This isn't just a racial vote, this is a movement, this is a vote for our future. Had someone of color been speaking the same words as McCain or Palin, the outcome would have been no different. Obama is a great black man, but he is not great because he is black. If we were to get into identity politics, I think we're probably more ready for a woman president than a black one. But it wasn't about identities! It was about change, and hope, and inspiring the nation to believe in themselves and take that step forward to prove that we really are a great nation.

When I was in Zambia this summer, I was struck by how much people really loved their country, and the pride they held in being Zambian. I remember longing for this feeling of connection to my country, and thinking that perhaps if my country were as great as Zambia is, maybe I would feel the same. Today, I have found that pride in my country. Today we are a country "of the people, for the people, by the people".

Barack is the first president of my lifetime to address "gay and straight" and "disabled or non" in his acceptance speech. He didn't just "reach across the aisle" to republicans, or unite us based on our race, age, gender. He reached out to every single sect of this country and united us as Americans. He is the one who can make this country a better place for each of us, in spite of and because of our many, many differences.

I got in my car this morning to go buy a copy of the newspaper, and I felt light, and free. I could breathe, and I felt comfortable in my own skin. My government finally represents me, and I am so very proud to be an American.

07:39 am: America, please don't fuck it up!!!

03:41 pm: <table width="320" height="240" border="0" align="center" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="5" bgcolor="#0066FF">
  <tr>
    <td height="1" align="center" style="color: #FFFFFF; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold">
      <span style="font-size: xx-large">Hello</span><br>
      <span style="font-size: medium">My name is</span>
    </td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td height="1" valign="middle" align="center" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" style="color: #000000; font-family: Marker Felt, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">
      Holly
    </td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td height="1" align="center" style="color: #FFFFFF; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold">
      <span style="font-size: medium">I am</span>
    </td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td valign="middle" align="center" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" style="color: #000000; font-family: Marker Felt, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">
      activist, admirer, adult, ally, assertive, aunt, beautiful, big sister, blessed, brunette, caring, chapstick lesbian, child, complex, confidant, counselor, cousin, creative, curious, Democrat, daddy's girl, daughter, dreamer, fabulous, family, female, feminist, femme, friend, full of love, GLBTQIA, gender liberationist, gentlewoman, girly-girl, human, lover, loving, Ms., myself, niece, pan-romantic, passionate, peoplesexual, pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-sex feminist, queer, queer liberationist, sister, student, trans-am, trans-friendly, working class
    </td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <td height="1" align="center" style="color: #FFFFFF; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small">
      <a href="http://www.kreativekorp.com/miscpages/gender/gender.pl" style="color: #FFFFFF">Who are you?</a>
    </td>
  </tr>
</table>

11:11 am: I was afraid to leave the life I knew to come here, and now I've found so much more of myself than I knew existed, and so much more of the world and people than I had known before. It is impossible to be here and not become changed. Poverty, as Americans know it, is so trivial. There are safety nets in America that do not exist here. To go to the market (in Zimbabwe, just over the border by Livingstone) and have a man my own age offer to trade one of his pieces of art for the socks off your feet... The simplest things have so much value, and it makes you take another look at your own, and what you choose to give value to in your own life. Part of me wishes I could run home and tear apart my things and pack into boxes all of the things that I do not desperately need, post them over here, and know that they will be used. So much of the stress of my daily life seems so insignificant. In Zambia, there are no body image crisis. Weight and skin color are characteristics, not qualifications. My body is a "traditional build" here, which is considered, if anything, to be more attractive. Men flirt with me in the streets, and I cannot help but feel beautiful, and completely unaware of the size of my belly, or the paleness of my skin. What matters here is the size of your heart. I wish I could bring that back with me. I wish I could spread that way of thinking to everyone I meet. My Zambian relatives have made so many jokes with us about color. We use the word Muzungu (Moo-Zoo-n-goo), Nyanga (the local language) for "White person". When we drive through the villages, you can see the children on the sides of the street with their eyes wide, and read their lips- "muzungu". It is a far cry from the looks a black person receives driving through a white area of the states. In America, being the minority is a threat. In Zambia, we are simply different. The children look because they have only seen white skin a few times- they are interested. They want us to be welcome, to come and speak with them, to get to know us. 

It is also nearly impossible to not feel the forces of whatever higher power you believe in. You watch a person become so incredibly overjoyed that you have bought what equates to $5 worth of their goods, because they will eat tonight, and you do not know when the last time they ate was, and the only words that come to their lips are "praise god". Where American children actively dread church (well, many of us anyway), here the ch ildren are so grateful for a chance to worship. We attended church under a thin tin roof, no walls, a dirt-covered cement slab floor. Each person brought a stool to sit on, many of them hand carved from a chunk of wood. As the service came close to four hours long, I looked around me. Here I was, unable to sit still, my back aching from four hours on a stool with no support for my back. The children's faces showed that they too felt the strain on their bodies, but they were so grateful to be here worshipping, they did not even stir. Could you imagine an american child staying in one place so long? It is so very different. 

Of course not all of Zambia is like this. There are areas of wealth, but they are the tourist areas that Americans and Europeans visit. To see real Zambian life you must wander beyond. 

One other thing that struck me. Of all the people I've seen, the happiest are those in the villages. They live in huts that we would consider primitive. The children walk several miles to school. The clothing they have is clearly all given to them by wealthier nations. But they are happy. They live in their homes, withtheir families, raising their livestock and cooking over flames. These are the people we see in the commercials asking for money. The child who is not smiling (the faces appear serious to us, because the visual cues of a smile are of our culture, not theirs), with flies on his face (The flies here are stubborn! I'm a well fed american and I've had many flies on my face!), with no shoes on his feet (haven't you ever walked barefoot to enjoy the feel of the earth between your toes?), with a skinny build, but a round face and round belly (we assume this is malnourishement, and in some cases it may be, but it is also frequently just the build of these people- trust me, the people in the Kufa's home where I am staying have had plenty to eat, and they are built similarly). It is beyond our comprehension that someone might be happy with that way of life. If we were even the slightest bit culturally compentent we would ask them what they needed. Tea and sugar. Bottled/Safe water. The things they can only get at the store, that is too far to walk to. Mostly they would ask for things for their schools. 

My time to write is up, but my head is full. There is so much to be done here, and so much that this place is doing to me. I am a different person; a better person.

Tags: zambia

09:17 pm: Today Show
 http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/24482180#24482180

5 seconds on national television... not bad. Do all social workers talk with their hands like that?? lol

Tags: social work

11:30 pm: I'd like to think this is accurate....
<table style="width: 320px; border: 1px solid gray; font: normal 12px arial, verdana, sans-serif; background-color: white;"><tr><td colspan="2" style="background: white; color: black; padding: 5px;"><b style="font: bold 20px 'Times New Roman', serif; display: block; margin-bottom: 8px;">What Color Is Your Aura?</b> <div style="font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 4px;">Your Result: <b>Green</b></div><div style="width: 200px; background: white; border: 1px solid black;"><div style="width: 83%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;">&nbsp;</div></div><p style="margin: 10px; border: none; background: white; color: black;">You are compassionate and kind, a lover of animals and people.  Greens are fierce protectors of the planet, and are friendly, reliable and strong.  They quietly and unassumingly try to change the world for the better.</p></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">Brown</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 55%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;">&nbsp;</div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">Orange</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 44%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;">&nbsp;</div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">Yellow</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 28%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;">&nbsp;</div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">Blue</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 22%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;">&nbsp;</div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">Red</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 0%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;">&nbsp;</div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">Violet</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 0%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;">&nbsp;</div></div></td></tr><tr><td style="color: black; background: white; padding: 3px;">Pink</td><td style="background: white; padding: 3px;"><div style="width: 100px; background: white; border: 1px solid black; margin-top: 4px;"><div style="width: 0%; background: red; font-size: 8px; line-height: 8px;">&nbsp;</div></div></td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" style="text-align: center; padding: 8px;"><a href="http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_color_is_your_aura_2"><b>What Color Is Your Aura?</b></a><br><a href="http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz Created on GoToQuiz</a></td></tr></table>

11:08 pm: <b>88% <span style="color: #00f;">Barack Obama</span><br>86% <span style="color: #00f;">Dennis Kucinich</span><br>86% <span style="color: #00f;">Mike Gravel</span><br>85% <span style="color: #00f;">John Edwards</span><br>84% <span style="color: #00f;">Chris Dodd</span><br>82% <span style="color: #00f;">Bill Richardson</span><br>80% <span style="color: #00f;">Hillary Clinton</span><br>79% <span style="color: #00f;">Joe Biden</span><br>42% <span style="color: #f00;">Rudy Giuliani</span><br>34% <span style="color: #f00;">John McCain</span><br>28% <span style="color: #f00;">Mike Huckabee</span><br>27% <span style="color: #f00;">Ron Paul</span><br>26% <span style="color: #f00;">Mitt Romney</span><br>19% <span style="color: #f00;">Tom Tancredo</span><br>17% <span style="color: #f00;">Fred Thompson</span><br></b><br><a href="http://www.gotoquiz.com/candidates/2008-quiz.html">2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz</a>

01:22 am: I need to buy a hockey helmet and gloves.

My classes are on Mondays this year. I have to do 15 hours/week of field placement hours.

Flexibility...

SO at 8:30AM on Tuesdays I will be on the ice!!

I don't know if I'm more thrilled or relieved

I feel whole again.

06:36 pm: I just sent my last paper, and you know what that means....

ITS SUMMER BREAK!!!

Finally!

I hit send on the email, took a deep breath, and looked around. Ew, this place is gross.

On that note, off to do dishes!

04:24 pm: My car is dead. We are in the process of buying a truck. It's very difficult b/c we don't agree on most things when it comes to vehicles. *sigh* Can it just be over with already?

11:36 am: My oven hates me. When Dreu uses it, he has no issues. I just made fries- should have been at 450. I set it to 400 to play it safe. Put them in, checked on them five minutes later, and it was at 550. Shit. So I turned it way back. When I took the fries out, the dial said 200 and the oven thermometer said 400. WTF.



Ok, I admit it. This entry is totally just me stalling on a paper I don't want to write. C'mon adderall.... give me some concentration for a little while please!!!

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06:22 am: I'm going to get hurt.
I love Christmas. I don't mind working in a toy store with parents who are buying hundreds of dollars worth of toys for Christmas already. I don't mind the Christmas music playing in the store already. (Actually, I've noticed that about half of the music on their loop is from Hanson's Christmas album, and I'm not sure if I should be more disturbed by the fact that I know that, or that I love the music.) The news just showed that they're putting up lights on Church Street, and I can't wait to go down at night when they're lit. I'm actually anticipating snow (which means the seasonal depression is under control so far). I can't wait to get our Christmas tree, decorate it, wrap presents and put them under the tree. I can't wait to go to church and watch them light the advent wreath, sing christmas hymns. It's still early, and I just don't care! I love the holidays!



Did I mention Dreu is Ebineezer Scrooge?





It might not be this year, it might not be next year, but some day I'll win him over!!!




Or die trying.

05:31 pm: Um, its snowing here right now. Well, snow mixed iwth rain. But there is definite white stuff coming down... I'm not ready for this yet!!! I don't have any hot chocolate!!! :)

11:12 pm: We finally have an apartment! I spent all day today cleaning it. NOt that its all that dirty, but its an old building, and I want to be sure its clean before my stuff goes in it....

Nothing really to update besides that....

02:05 pm: I knew that apartment was too good to be true. Back to square one, with less than a week left to move. Fuck.

02:17 pm: Car accident and progressive is amazing
So, i got rearended Thursday morning. Nothing major, just some bumper damage, but the car is so old i'm afraid of what would happen if I got hit and my bumper wasn't up to par. The girl that hit me was really nice, very apologetic. She thanked me for being understanding, and I was thinking "Hey, from here I can see the place I rearended those women on my way to pride". But there was no damage from that one, so we just went on our way. Infact, this is the first time there's been damage to my car from an accident. No wait, someone bumped me in walmart and later that day i realized my hood no longer latched right. But still, first real accident where I have to deal with insurance.

And I have NO idea what i need tow rite down off of her insurance card. She doesn't know either. So she gives me her cell phone number and email address (turns out shes a UVM student too) and we go on our ways. Apparently she has Progressive insurance, as do I. SO....

I called progressive and they asked for details of the accident, and I told them all i have for info on this girl is her name, her phone number, and her email address, that I think she has the same insurance, and I think the policy is in her mom's name.

THEY MADE ALL THE PHONE CALLS FOR ME!

I got a call Friday from the same woman i talked to Thursday to verify some info and let me know they hadn't gotten in touch with kelsey (the girl that hit me) yet, but they'd left a few messages.

I got a call (voicemail) Friday evening from a guy named Joe from progressive who said my claim was all set and he needed to talk to me about getting my car fixed.

I forgot to call him back, and he called Saturday mid-day. After about 5 minutes on the phone I was set up to have everything taken care of.

This morning I dropped my car off at a shop in Burlington and enterprise met me with a rental car. Progressive (the policy of the girl that hit me) is paying for all repairs to my vehicle (which are guaranteed for life, since its a garage that Progressive works with), and for my rental vehicle, which I have until my car is ready to be picked up.

They gave me a chrysler pacifica. Also known as my school bus. THAT THING IS HUGE!!!!!

So I'm taking it tomorrow to go to some fair with Maria (dreu's sister) and sam (maria's boyfriend) and Katie (my niece). Might as well use it!

i'm still playing with all of the buttons..... *grin*